I have started this blog with loads of pessimism. At least with some sadness in my mind. However, tonight I am feeling quite happy. Though, the whole day was not that successful. I was quite down due to the fact that I was feeling little bit without any future career prospects. Sometimes I do get that feeling and then I just start thinking that I chose a wrong degree (should have done something more vocational like medicine). Especially, when I start applying for the internships and realise that most of them are in the financial sector. Anyway, I don't think the degree is a problem. It is just my stupid split personality. Sometimes due to some unknown reasons I fall into that shit and become an absolute pessimist. On the other hand, I can be a cheeky guy with a good sense of humour and with an outgoing personality. That is the side of myself that I love. Both of them appear but the pessimism was taking over.
Anyway, tonight I kind of understood that it is my lifestyle that keeps me being stressed. Once I went to a bar, started sipping vodka red bull and had a chat with some people, I just started feeling different. The whole mindset just simply changed. Not because I was drunk or anything. I just felt little bit more relaxed than I was and the whole world started being so easy to conquer :) I loved it. It actually indicates that I put constraints on myself and therefore I feel harnessed all the time. 'There is no money', 'no time', 'no need', those are the most common phrases I hear in my mind. They are pragmatic and make sense, but I kind of feel that they just keep things as they are and do not allow any change. Sometimes you must be an optimist and an idiot at once to succeed. As Remarque once put it: fools are the ones that succeed as the clever ones put so many restraints in their mind so that they don't even start doing anything. Yeah, I should be that fool. A responsible fool. I do want to succeed and I swear God I will do it!:)
Yeah, and I should go out more often. That's when I start lively and prosperous again. Working, studying and seriously thinking about stuff is useful, but does not lead to absolute happiness :) Anyway, I have started talking bullshit :) But it was just a random post at 2 am in the morning. Night!;)
P.S Guns and Roses are awesome! Same as Japanese people!:D
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